The Master isn’t worth a witty review title



I have never been more bored in the theater in all my life, and I sat through The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

This film is a pretentious, snarky mess that goes nowhere, does nothing, and thinks more highly of itself than it’s worth.


Admittedly, Amy Adams and Philip Seymour Hoffman did good jobs (like always!), but Joaquin Phoenix’s character was aggravatingly hard to connect with and had no redeeming qualities and no direction to his actions.


There were some interestingly-framed shots in this movie, most of which came during the first half, and I will say that the poster is one of the best ones I’ve seen in a while (but poster design does not factor into these scores).

Product Placement

Kools were brought up several times, but, again, cigarettes aren’t allowed to be product placement. I probably missed something else, seeing as I had a hard time paying attention.


I’d rather watch Melancholia on repeat for an entire day than to have to sit through this again.

22 comments on “The Master isn’t worth a witty review title

  1. This sounds exactly like a movie I would hate.

  2. LOL. Knew these type of reactions would be out there for this one. I completely disagree, yet I easily understand what you’re saying. :D

  3. Well, this has actually been my favorite movie so far this year but I can see why many don’t like it. I think it’s a film that demands multiple views in order to really interpret it. Nice review.

  4. This is the first negative review I’ve came across man. I’ve not seen it yet but I appreciate your honesty.

  5. I agree with Fog’s Movie Review, I can understand how the movie could be interpreted this way; but the beauty of it is that it’s not trying to have an natural linear narration, with many things happening and likeable characters. Paul Thomas Anderson is an iconoclast, and we have to thank the movie industry to continuously give him a chance to create something that makes you think, love or hate it!

  6. Damn, damn, damn! Everybody I can see right now just hates this movie, and they’re not wrong, I just wonder why. I think it’s just because of how Anderson always brings up so many questions, and barely ever allows his audience to hear the answers to them. Oh well, good review man.

  7. You didn’t like Tree of Life either, right?

    I don’t disagree about your take on The Master, I think there’s a lot more to the film but it’s presented in the foggiest way possible. Movies shouldn’t require a shovel to dig for meaning or even understanding of the plot, but I feel like there’s something really special with just a little bit of digging.

  8. WHAT???????! aw come on i thought mine was pretty pretty good

  9. I haven’t even seen it yet, but your review still made me laugh. It’s how I felt listening to everyone rave about Punch Drunk Love, and I was convinced I had seen a sub-par, more pretentious movie than everyone else in the theatre. It happens!

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