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I can’t advise you to read this The Counselor review

The Counselor review

Please, for the love of all that is good and decent in this world, don’t choose this movie in TIWAM’s 2nd annual Tell Me I’m Wrong Contest. Pick something else!

Plot

NOTHING HAPPENED.

There wasn’t so much a story here as there were “scenes where people interacted a little through stilted dialog.”

Characters

I enjoy certain actors who were in this movie, and I can’t stand certain actors who were in this movie. Therefore, I was going to be nice and give a 2 here so it would all balance out nicely, but by the end, I still had no idea who anyone was supposed to be or what exactly they were doing.

Visuals

When I saw In Bruges many years ago, I almost threw up when that one guy jumped off the building and splatted on the sidewalk. Tonight, I watched a man writhe around on the sidewalk while his neck got sliced open, squirting blood everywhere, and thought, “Ugh, this is so boring.”

What are these movies doing to me?

Product Placement

Simply because this is my scoring system and I can do what I want with it, and because I hated this movie so much, I’m taking a point off for the Heineken and the Yamaha dealership.

Rewatchability

I was out of the theater so fast that the first word in the closing credits hadn’t even made it to the top of the screen yet.

Even though I’ve had a few negative reviews recently, I haven’t felt like I wasted money at the theater in a long time…until now.

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2 comments on “I can’t advise you to read this The Counselor review

  1. Thank you for sparing me on this one. I hate being ripped off at the theater. Stay away from Machete Kills. I stayed long after the movie ended to try and get my money’s worth from the theater. I felt like a jerk dropping $8.50 for that one.

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