You have 60 seconds to read this Swordfish review



This was made back when nobody in the movie business knew how the Internet worked.

The timeline was gapped and difficult to follow, and the loads of probably-made-up technobabble didn’t help anything.


It would have helped if at least one of the characters had clear motives behind their actions.


Everything was bathed in gross shades of yellowish-green.

Product Placement

I don’t usually count computers, because they have to use something, but every single computer in this entire movie was a Dell…even the fancy bank computers.


No thanks. I usually only rewatch movies I enjoy and understand.


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16 comments on “You have 60 seconds to read this Swordfish review

  1. man you cray cray… i really enjoyed this movie… of course considering i still don’t know how the internet works it all sounded good to me… plus i love crazy twists…

  2. Whaaaaaaaaat? From Halle Berry’s completely unexpected and gratuitous flashing to the most intense BJ ever, this movie is amazing, and you’re on crack, my friend. Crack I say!

  3. Good review. It was a fun movie, but really stupid. That’s fine though, especially when you have a naked Halle Berry.

  4. Personally, I’d take an extra point off for product placement for Halle Berry’s breasts. That was totally gratuitous product placement, considering that was really the only reason it was in the movie. And yes, I’ve seen that scene, and no, I haven’t seen the rest of the movie.

    • Yeah it seemed like the mood of the scene was “well, here they are. give me my extra $50,000 now”

  5. You got it right, it sucked.

  6. Dell computers? Man, that really dates this one. If Swordfish had been made in the last ten years, you know they would’ve been pimpin’ Apple stuff.

    Haven’t seen Swordfish, by the way. Don’t intend to either.

    • Haha I love Macs, but I don’t think they’d make good bank computers. I’d have still taken a point off if they did that.

  7. I hardly remember anything about this film except for THAT scene of Halle Berry and Hugh Jackman, funny what Storm is willing to do with Wolverine, ahah.

  8. aaannnnddd TIME!

    Whew….I read it in about 22 secs. I was afraid that I wouldn’t make it. haha

    I liked Swordfish well enough, but I am fine if I don’t watch it again. meh

    • Haha I was wondering if anyone would do that. Glad to see my reviews are still short enough for busy people!

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