Read this Action Jackson review with your faraway eyes

Plot It’s like a James Bond movie, a buddy cop movie, and an action movie all in one, with plenty of comedy along the way. Could this be…the perfect movie? Characters Nobody could have pulled this character off quite like Carl Weathers. Craig T. Nelson makes a great sleazy bad guy. He should do it […]

This Transcendence review is good enough for the monkey

Plot I have never before felt like a movie was actively fighting against me in my attempts to enjoy it…until now. Characters It was nice to see Johnny Depp in a role where he wasn’t wearing a silly hat for a change, but the R.I.F.T. members never really seemed to pose much of a threat. […]

An authentically nice Better Living Through Chemistry review

Plot If I may (and I may because it’s my review), I’d like to describe this movie as a mixture between Fight Club, American Flyers, the 2004 version of Employee of the Month, all wrapped up in a comedy. Characters Sam Rockwell…still great in everything. Ray Liotta seemed less greasy and plastic than usual here, […]

This At Middleton review is in the building next to the building behind that building

Apparently, this movie was originally called Middleton. Plot So many dorky parent jokes. I loved it! On the downside, though, there was a certain point around the one hour mark where the movie could and should have ended, but they kept it going for another 40 minutes for some reason. Characters Andy Garcia and Vera […]

Corner the midget market with a Little Black Book review

Plot A romantic comedy with depth and twists that’s about the main character finding happiness through her own accomplishments rather than a relationship? Sign me up! Characters My ongoing extensive research continues to show that Brittany Murphy was…pretty great. Visuals Enough fun camera tricks to show that they cared about what the movie looked like. […]

This Changing Lanes review is a present for the judge

Plot If Crash hadn’t been so bloated, xenophobic, and unresolved…it would have been this movie. Characters This is the third movie in a row that I’ve seen Kevin Sussman in, and I can’t remember seeing him in anything before this. Visuals There’s a lot of left to right (and right to left) camera movement. I’m […]

Go write this Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London review on your lunchbox

Plot This film was incredibly cartoony, and pretty much completely threw away the “normal kid who’s secretly a spy” aspect of the first film. Characters Some of those who appeared in the first movie were smart enough not to return, but they were replaced by stereotypes and bumbling idiots. Visuals How did the CGI get […]

Hey, pretty lady. It’s an Agent Cody Banks review

Plot I was expecting a remake of The Double 0 Kid, but with a higher budget. What I got was an admittedly entertaining spy movie. Characters Angie Harmon channeled Miss Congeniality-era Sandra Bulluck, but did they really need to start playing “Hot in Herre” every time she showed up? Visuals The CGI still seems to […]

One is glad to share this Bicentennial Man review

Plot It’s so crazy that half of the technology in this movie exists now. This movie could have been a fun update to the whole Pinocchio story, but there were too many tonal shifts and it lasted way too long. Characters Whatever happened to Hallie Kate Eisenberg? She’s probably on a desert island with Jonathan […]

Shake and make up, it’s a Homefront review

Plot There’s something about Jason Statham movies. No matter how violent or serious (or illogical) they can get at times, they always seem to have an undertone of fun. Characters Speaking of which, only he could pull of a character like this without even attempting to disguise his accent. After a really strong first scene, […]