todayiwatchedamovie

Implement quarantine procedures, it’s a Doom review

This is a review of the Unrated Extended version. Plot I’ve never played DOOM, but I know enough about it to…not care if this wasn’t faithful to the games. I went in expecting exciting “check your brain at the door” action, and that’s exactly what I got. Characters Thoughts like “I wish they’d die already” […]

I bet you a phone book this is a The Dukes of Hazzard review

This is a review of the Unrated version. Plot Not that the TV show was a work of art or anything, and I’ve never actually seen an entire episode, but the only phrase I can think of to describe this movie is “disrespectful to the source material”. Characters Are you sure this isn’t a live […]

Scratch the surface with a Basic review

Plot I was expecting an action movie, but what I got was a Rashomon-style murder mystery. I’m okay with this. Characters Giovanni Ribisi always does a good job. So good, in fact, that I’m not going to mention anyone else in this section. Visuals It’s kind of dark, but that’s what to expect when there’s […]

Maybe I can get a run in after this Burn After Reading review

Plot This movie felt like the Coens weren’t really trying that hard. It felt like lazy storytelling, and nothing about it seemed to work all that well. Characters Brad Pitt’s too old to be acting like this. Sheesh. Visuals Sometimes I have nothing to complain about here. This is one of those times. Move along. […]

Kindle your heart with an A Little Princess review

Here’s something to listen to while you read this review! Plot The story of Vasilisa the Beautiful, retold by Madeline cosplayers. Overall, there was a good mix of funny and sad parts that made it work better than I was expecting. Characters In a crazy turn of events, the children were great, but some of […]

Read this Action Jackson review with your faraway eyes

Plot It’s like a James Bond movie, a buddy cop movie, and an action movie all in one, with plenty of comedy along the way. Could this be…the perfect movie? Characters Nobody could have pulled this character off quite like Carl Weathers. Craig T. Nelson makes a great sleazy bad guy. He should do it […]

This Transcendence review is good enough for the monkey

Plot I have never before felt like a movie was actively fighting against me in my attempts to enjoy it…until now. Characters It was nice to see Johnny Depp in a role where he wasn’t wearing a silly hat for a change, but the R.I.F.T. members never really seemed to pose much of a threat. […]

An authentically nice Better Living Through Chemistry review

Plot If I may (and I may because it’s my review), I’d like to describe this movie as a mixture between Fight Club, American Flyers, the 2004 version of Employee of the Month, all wrapped up in a comedy. Characters Sam Rockwell…still great in everything. Ray Liotta seemed less greasy and plastic than usual here, […]

This At Middleton review is in the building next to the building behind that building

Apparently, this movie was originally called Middleton. Plot So many dorky parent jokes. I loved it! On the downside, though, there was a certain point around the one hour mark where the movie could and should have ended, but they kept it going for another 40 minutes for some reason. Characters Andy Garcia and Vera […]

Corner the midget market with a Little Black Book review

Plot A romantic comedy with depth and twists that’s about the main character finding happiness through her own accomplishments rather than a relationship? Sign me up! Characters My ongoing extensive research continues to show that Brittany Murphy was…pretty great. Visuals Enough fun camera tricks to show that they cared about what the movie looked like. […]