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A The Break-Up review, compliments of M.D.

The Break-Up review

Plot

The mean and sad parts far outweighed the funny parts, so I’m not sure this is actually a comedy.

Characters

Everyone was as good as can be expected, but John Michael Higgins really stole the show in his few minutes of screen time.

Visuals

You gotta love a well lit movie, eh?

If you’re me, I mean.

Which I am.

Product Placement

Was there any scene that didn’t have Pepsi, Budweiser, or Lays potato chips in it?

Rewatchability

Arguing (even fictional) just makes me so darn uncomfortable. Otherwise, it was surprisingly decent.

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You won’t see this Big Stan review coming

Big Stan review

Plot

A really slow, montage-heavy movie based around one of the worst premises imaginable.

Characters

Oh, Rob Schneider. He tries so hard, but he’s just not good at carrying a movie on his own.

Visuals

A few nice practical effects here and there.

Product Placement

Not many products in jail, I guess.

Rewatchability

No hour-and-a-half movies should feel like they’re four hours long.

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Don’t look at the light, it’s an A Sound of Thunder review

A Sound of Thunder review

Plot

An interesting premise that could have worked if it wasn’t presented in one of the dumbest ways possible.

Characters

One thing that hindered the plot from working as well as it could have was the complete disinterest the main character seemed to have in the whole thing.

Visuals

Usually, I’m a little lenient when it comes to CGI in older movies, but this movie is barely 10 years old and it looks like the actors were dropped into a Playstation game from 1997.

I wish I didn’t have to say that about a movie with dinosaur gorilla hybrids.

Product Placement

Fake Starbucks with an unimaginative name…but fake nonetheless.

Rewatchability

Too dumb to be taken seriously, yet it takes itself too seriously to be “so bad it’s good” like Birdemic.

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Have a Clockstoppers review, Mr. Second Chance Man

Clockstoppers review

I’ve been looking for this movie forever, but I had no idea what the title was. I’m not sure how I found it.

Plot

A time capsule (no pun intended) of those few years when the 90s were trying to die with dignity, but nobody quite knew how to let them.

Characters

DISCLAIMER: “Pester a girl until she finally falls in love with you” only works in the movies, and I’ve never seen it work faster than it did here.

Visuals

This was made during the height of the “multi-angle freeze frames” era. They took full advantage of it here, and it’s an effect I do admittedly enjoy.

Product Placement

Enough eBay usage to make me think they were at least a partial sponsor of this cinematic endeavor.

Rewatchability

If you don’t like scientific inaccuracies in your science fiction, this isn’t for you.

As for me, I don’t care, so sure, I’d watch it again.

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This The Sandlot review is killing me, Smalls!

The Sandlot review

Keeping up the trend of movies I’m watching for the first time despite being a part of the target audience when they came out…Here you go.

Plot

Kind of a mixture between Stand By Me and The Wonder Years.

The second half felt incredibly silly compared to the first half, though.

Characters

Another movie that’s slowly softening my negative view of child actors.

Visuals

Because of the age and tone on the movie, I’m not sure whether the dog-related effects were cheap looking on purpose or not, so let’s drop it.

Product Placement

Every scene seemed to have at least one product in it. I mostly took the point off this time because it was distracting.

To me.

Because I watch for this kind of thing anyway.

Rewatchability

File this under “Movies that turned out to be totally different than what I expected”.

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Take the butcher’s word for it with a Tommy Boy review

Tommy Boy review

Like most of the movies I write about on TIWAM, yes, this was the first time I ever saw this.

Plot

The second half seemed a lot funnier than the first half, but that’s not saying the first half wasn’t also funny.

Characters

The comedic chemistry between David Spade and Chris Farley is undeniable.

Visuals

Shaky cam is okay if you’re attempting to replicate the feel of a camcorder on purpose.

Product Placement

The point reduction is mostly for the Dunkin’ Donuts that kept popping up. If you want more, for some reason, then add Pepsi and M&Ms to the list.

Rewatchability

It wasn’t as fun as Black Sheep, but I’ll take it.

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What you would do if this was a Palo Alto review?

Palo Alto review

Plot

Nothing happened in the movie, so why should anything happen in this section?

Characters

Way too many characters going on. The movie couldn’t concentrate on any of them long enough for a story to stick.

Visuals

A movie pulled straight from The Hipster’s Guide to Ostentatious Editing.

Product Placement

For those of you playing along at home, Heisler Beer is a fake brand that is mostly used in TV shows, so it doesn’t count.

…Because we love fake brands around here.

Rewatchability

Yet another movie that made me feel like I needed a shower afterwards.

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This Words and Pictures review is a small poem on a page

Words and Pictures review

Plot

A (mostly) easy-going comedy about writing and art? I’m pretty sure this movie was made especially for me.

…or perhaps by me in an alternate universe.

Characters

If Clive Owen can act like this, what’s his excuse for being so boring in all the other movies I’ve seen him in so far?

I was going to take a point off for the annoying racist teenager, but then I realized that someone, somewhere, did such a good job of writing an antagonistic character that it made me want to punch my TV.

Visuals

More “towards the camera” and POV shots than any non-3D movie I’ve ever seen.

Product Placement

I saw some Hungry Man dinners, but chances are, you won’t. Unless you look for this kind of thing.

Rewatchability

Sometimes, the movies I know nothing about before I see them end up being the ones I enjoy the most.

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With all due respect, this is a The Sum of All Fears review

The Sum of All Fears review

Plot

The technical-minded first half averaged out with the more exciting second half.

Characters

As much as I enjoy Chris Pine in general, I have to say Ben Affleck did a better job with the character.

Yes, this is only the second Jack Ryan movie I’ve seen so far, so it’s the only comparison I’m equipped to make.

Visuals

The extreme overhead shots were interesting, but the movie took a detour into Shaky Town towards the end.

Product Placement

Lots of cigarette packaging, but everyone knows cigarette companies aren’t allowed to be paid sponsors of movies for some reason.

Rewatchability

Usually it’s not as much fun if you know where a movie is headed, but in this case, it helps make the slow parts worth it.

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A The Constant Gardener review, in case you meet any bandits

The Constant Gardener review

Plot

So slow boiling that at times, I wondered if the stove was on at all.

TIWAM…come for the lackadaisical reviews, stay for the forced metaphors!

Characters

This is the first movie I ever remember seeing where the main character has my name.

Ralph Fiennes and Rachel Weisz both did good jobs of making their characters believable and real here.

Visuals

So much shaking that it felt like it was filmed by someone who had just bought their first camcorder.

Product Placement

Three Bees and KDH aren’t real…are they?

Rewatchability

Sometimes it’s possible to not enjoy something, but still see why others would.

This is one of those times.

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