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How would a dog know this is a Cowboy Bebop: The Movie review?

Cowboy Bebop: The Movie review

Two firsts happening today! My first non-CGI animated review, and my first review of a movie with the words “The Movie” in the title…I think.

SIDE NOTE: I watched the original Japanese version with subtitles…because I’m a purist.

Plot

This is all three of Christopher Nolan’s Batman movies rolled into one.

Seeing as this film predates them all, this is the first time I’ve noticed the similarities.

Characters

Spike seemed to have a lot more ennui than he did in the series, but maybe it’s just been too long since I’ve seen it.

Ennui…now there’s a word I’ve never used before.

Visuals

Quite a bit of the character animations appear to have been rotoscoped, which always adds a great otherworldly feel.

Product Placement

For once, I’m going to go for some consistency in this section.

There were some Coke awnings at one point, and as I’ve pointed out before, if something’s in an animated movie, it was put there on purpose.

Rewatchability

It’s been probably 10 years since I last saw this. It’s not quite my thing anymore, it seems.

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I’ll decide when he’s had enough The Karate Kid review!

The Karate Kid review

This review is part of Forgotten Films’ 1984-A-THON, the biggest blogathon the world has ever seen, celebrating the second-best year of film there ever was.

Plot

I’ve seen this movie more times than almost any other movie I’ve ever written about on here, but I’ve never liked the abrupt ending.

Characters

Ralph Macchio is very Shia LeBeouf-esque. I never noticed that before. Plus, his character brought most of his problems on himself.

As Gary Gulman put it, “Beat me up once, shame on you. Beat me up twice because I poured hose water on you while you were rolling joints in the bathroom dressed as skeletons, shame on me.”

Visuals

They didn’t bother to clean the film up at all on this “special edition” DVD of mine. It’s very grainy and rough looking, but that’s no fault of the movie itself.

Product Placement

Minute Maid showed up early on, and some blink-and-you-miss-it Doritos a little later.

This section really works best when there’s something blatant and terrible to point out, doesn’t it?

Rewatchability

Even though Gary Gulman’s jokes about this movie completely changed the way I look at it, it’s still pretty enjoyable.

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Open the phone lines, it’s a Blue State review

Blue State review

Here, have an old review that managed to go unposted for over 6 months.

Plot

A road trip movie that started off angry, stalled in the middle, and became predictable at the end.

Characters

It took foreverrrrr for the characters to become likable here.

Visuals

Tripods can’t be that expensive, can they?

I do love blue hair though, so I won’t be too harsh about the shaky cam.

Product Placement

Convenience store items still don’t count, but there’s just enough other stuff to remove a point for.

Rewatchability

Despite my belief that political parties (and tipping!**) are un-American, my lack of enjoyment here was purely entertainment-based.

**Nothing like a The Petrified Forest reference to class up a review, eh?

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I don’t believe my Bug review is accidental

Bug review

Plot

If the entire movie had had the same intensity as the last half hour, this might have been good. As it stands, though, the first hour led me to ask “Is this going anywhere?” out loud several times.

Characters

All three of the main characters were great for different reasons, but I’ll point out that I didn’t know Harry Connick, Jr. was capable of playing such a mean guy.

Visuals

Most of the film took place in one location, which I always love, but then there was that blasted shakiness.

I’m referring to the shaking during calm scenes. The shaking during the crazy parts was perfectly fine.

Product Placement

I’ll just mention there were mentions without mentioning what they mentioned.

Rewatchability

I thought I was going to be stepping out of my comfort zone by watching a borderline horror movie, but all I got was disappointment.

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Valet park your high horse, it’s a Grosse Pointe Blank review

Grosse Pointe Blank review

Plot

The final act was great, but during the rest of the movie, the action parts felt underdeveloped, and mostly served to water down the romantic comedy aspect.

Characters

John and Joan Cusack in the same movie? Ugh.

Dan Aykroyd, Minnie Driver and Alan Arkin balanced things out though.

Visuals

That inexplicable** feel that most every movie from the mid-90s has is present here, too.

**Inexplicable to me. Someone else could probably say exactly what it is.

Product Placement

Are UltiMarts real? I don’t feel like researching it.

Rewatchability

I remember someone I went to high school with saying that this was their brother’s favorite movie. Why I remember that 16 years later is beyond me.

Technically, this belongs to my “Longest Time Between Learning About a Movie and Actually Watching It” group, but it’s one of the first that wasn’t quite worth the wait.

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Let the monster out with a Sin City: A Dame to Kill For review

Sin City: A Dame To Kill For review

Plot

This movie had three or four stories going on at once. None of them blended well, and in the end, it felt like nothing was accomplished.

Characters

Most of the characters felt like obligatory, sometimes unnecessary) callbacks to the original. Plus, I’m all for a good film noir, but the dialog here was clunky to the point of b.

Visuals

The first one used color very sparsely to accentuate certain things. There was so much color in this one that it took away from the novelty of the black and white.

Product Placement

Maybe back in the old days I would have made a fuss about the Mustang, but now, it’s just “eh, they gotta drive something.”

Rewatchability

There have been times where I’ve felt like I’ve wasted money at the theater, but I’ve never been embarrassed about it before…and I saw Valentine’s Day.

…Alone.

…On opening day.

…And TIWAM didn’t exist yet.

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It smells like Christmas threw up in this If I Stay review

If I Stay review

Plot

Sometimes movies like this don’t set aside enough time for backstory, but this movie was almost nothing but backstory.

Characters

If you thought the parents in Easy A were unrealistically smarmy, have I got a film for you!

Visuals

The green screen effects near the end seemed a little underdeveloped, but it wasn’t anything awful.

Product Placement

Other than the Honey Bunches of Oats box near the beginning, there wasn’t anything worth noticing.

Rewatchability

The best thing I can say is that it’s a more first-date-appropriate version of The Lovely Bones.

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Amputate the wrong leg with a Catch and Release review

Catch and Release review

Plot

Lots and lots and lots and lots (and lots) of padding, presumably used to disguise the fact that this was a terribly executed story.

If handled differently, it might have worked…

Characters

If there was a Worst Male Lead in a Romantic Comedy Award, this movie would probably win.

Visuals

I’ve never seen a non-Wes Anderson movie that was so fascinated with keeping things in the center of the screen.

Product Placement

There was that weird spot in the middle where the movie went crazy and became a Celestial Seasonings commercial.

Rewatchability

I know I called this a romantic comedy earlier, but it was actually pretty depressing.

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This Bushwhacked review creates a visual feast

Bushwhacked review

Plot

By the time they explained what happened during the rushed opening, the movie was already over halfway done, so it didn’t matter anymore.

Characters

As far as movie kids go, this bunch wasn’t bad at all.

Visuals

Today I decided that POV shots don’t count as shaky cam.

Product Placement

I dunno…most of the placements here seemed pretty intentional. At least the delivery service and super glue were fake, though.

Rewatchability

This is one I remember the commercials from when it came out, but I didn’t really miss a whole lot by not seeing it until 20 years later.

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Celebrate life with a Battle for Terra review

Battle for Terra review

Plot

It’s like someone said, “I like Avatar, but it’s just too long. Let’s make a short version and mix it with a little Wall-E for good measure.”

But, seeing as this was made before either of those two movies, maybe it was the other way around.

Characters

I think this was the most fun I’ve ever had identifying voices in an animated movie.

Visuals

On the one hand, the characters were really bland looking, but on the other hand, the textures and lighting of the objects and environments were really great.

Product Placement

No products in deep space, apparently.

Rewatchability

The whole brevity thing is its best asset.

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