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TIWAM’s 3rd Anniversary Contest is here!

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Now with different prizes! (More info at the link)

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This Aurora Borealis review is where Grandpa’s Little Helper draws the line

Aurora Borealis review

TIWAM’s 3rd Anniversary Contest. It’s still happening.

Plot

Who knew a movie about suicide, dementia and wasting your life could make a great romantic comedy?

Characters

That’s it. I’ve found my favorite Donald Sutherland role. I think knowing that he was acting made his performance even more amazing.

Visuals

After yesterday’s visual disaster, a nice, well-lit movie that used tripods is great to see.

Product Placement

Well, the Mall of America isn’t technically a product…

Rewatchability

I think I might cry if I watch this again…but since when is crying a bad thing?

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This John Wick review is scattered among the rest

John Wick review

Yet another reminder that there are 18 days remaining to enter TIWAM’s 3rd Anniversary Contest.

Plot

The incredibly thin “plot” felt like an excuse to show mindless violence for an hour and a half.

Characters

Alfie Allen did a terrible job, or maybe his character was just terribly written (a rule I call the “Kristen Stewart Twilight Defense”).

Visuals

The entire movie was dimly lit and heavily filtered, and in that one scene they managed to combine those two aspects together with seizure-inducing strobe lights…a trifecta of terrible visuals.

Product Placement

That early scene with Keanu driving around on a runway almost felt like a car commercial, but if it was meant to be one, he probably would have been driving a current model.

Rewatchability

It’s bad when a really short movie like this makes me regret spending money to see it in the theater.

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Go to department store jail with a The Poker House review

The Poker House review

Click here if you like winning prizes for sharing your thoughts.

Plot

This movie is based on a true story. What they forgot to include is why anyone should care about the true story.

It was mostly just people going about their miserable, depressing lives for an hour and a half.

Characters

Craziest Selma Blair role I’ve ever seen. I’m not sure why they bothered having Chloe Grace Moretz in this, though.

Visuals

They overdid it on the effects during the flashback scene.

Product Placement

Egg McMuffins, Goldfish crackers, Chex mix…So many odd conversations about food items.

Rewatchability

The silly “singing in the car” scene at the end almost made the rest of the movie worth suffering through.

Almost.

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This is not a shoe. It’s a Snowpiercer review

Snowpiercer review

Hurry! Less than 3 weeks left to enter TIWAM’s 3rd Anniversary Contest!

Plot

This movie had sort of a whimsical steampunk vibe at times that these dystopian movies don’t usually have.

Too bad a lot of it felt like watching someone else play a video game, though.

Characters

Wow. Tilda Swinton is really good at impersonating my high school history teacher.

Visuals

I suppose action scenes on a crowded, moving train would constitute shaking cameras, so I won’t do anything about it this time.

Product Placement

Unless they start selling those nasty protein blocks somewhere, then there was nothing.

Rewatchability

I may not be able to see it straight through again, but I’d be willing to watch it in chunks, I guess.

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This Casper review was lousy 50 years ago

Casper review

Yeah, this is about as scary as things are going to get around here. Don’t be afraid to enter TIWAM’s 3rd Anniversary Contest, though!

Plot

In the ’90s, movies like this, no matter how light and silly the work they were adapted from was, always took themselves too seriously.

This one was no exception, and it kind of just fizzled out at the end.

Characters

More antagonists than a Spider-Man movie.

Visuals

Not only is the CGI holding up incredibly well due to its simplicity, but the set pieces were great, too.

Product Placement

There were a few things, but not quite enough to bother with.

Rewatchability

Despite being in the target audience when this originally came out, this was my first time seeing it.

It was also my last time seeing it.

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I have what I want with this Hateship Loveship review

Hateship Loveship review

Check it out! The 3rd Annual “Tell Me I’m Wrong” Contest has been simplified and has NEW PRIZES!

Plot

None of the actions in this movie, or the responses to those actions, made any sense whatsoever.

Characters

Kristen Wiig is so good at being sad.

Visuals

There wasn’t any reason for the camera to be moving around that much.

Product Placement

That box of Honeycomb cereal just wouldn’t go away, would it?

Rewatchability

I paused this movie several times to assemble kitchen furniture, if that is any indication of how frustrating it was to sit through.

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Ideals are peaceful. This Fury review is violent

Fury review

There’s still time to enter TIWAM’s 3rd Anniversary Contest!

Plot

The story lost all of its momentum when it got sidetracked and became a home invasion movie in the middle.

Characters

Further proof that Logan Lerman is great in everything. I would comment on Shia LaBeouf’s performance, but he didn’t really do much.

Visuals

What was with the tanks firing color coded laser beams? Otherwise, the movie was just as dirty and gritty as you’d expect.

Product Placement

There wasn’t any.

Rewatchability

Long movies like this make me want to start a “Bring Back Intermissions” movement.

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Look for a shape to things with a The Best of Me review

The Best of Me review

TIWAM’s 3rd Annual “Tell Me I’m Wrong” Anniversary Contest may have a few surprises to come. Until then, click here to enter!

Plot

There’s no way the most important scene in the movie happened in the timeframe in which it was presented.

Characters

The bad guys would have had to wear top hats and twirl their mustaches while tying people to railroad tracks in order to be any more over the top.

It was nice to see Major Dad is still around, though.

Visuals

Other than the fact that the two actors playing the main male character looked nothing alike, there isn’t much to talk about here.

Product Placement

If there had been any more Budweiser in this, I would have expected Spuds McKenzie to show up.

Rewatchability

Another movie that seems content merely to exist.

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This The Book of Life review is for cowards

The Book of Life review

TIWAM’s 3rd Annual “Tell Me I’m Wrong” Anniversary Contest is still happening, and YOU haven’t entered yet. What are you waiting for?

Plot

There was too much setup and not enough payoff, and the movie couldn’t decide what to do with the main female character, but dang it if this wasn’t obviously a deeply personal labor of love for Guillermo del Toro.

Characters

The “modern” kids that bookended (and occasionally interrupted) the main story were annoying.

Visuals

The character designs, and the execution of those designs, were truly unique.

Product Placement

Finally, an animated movie without any of this. They all seem to have some these days.

Rewatchability

This is one of those movies that I will eventually forget about completely, but, then again, I never regretted paying to see it.

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The arrogance of man is this Godzilla review

Godzilla review

Hurry! 3 weeks left on TIWAM’s 3rd Annual “Tell Me I’m Wrong” Anniversary Contest!

Plot

Monster movies like this require two things: suspense and bad decision making…and this one has plenty of both.

Characters

They focused on the wrong human characters and didn’t give the interesting ones enough screen time.

Visuals

Godzilla looked great, but the other monsters didn’t blend well with the “real world”.

Product Placement

Godzilla was too busy destroying the city to promote any products.

Rewatchability

Yet another one I would have enjoyed in the theater…if I had only known.

 

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