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Do you need a formal invitation to this Ash Wednesday review?

Ash Wednesday review

Plot

I felt like I was supposed to know what was going on during this movie. Too bad the movie didn’t feel the same way.

Characters

Too many characters. Way too many characters. Some good performances, though.

Visuals

This will forevermore be the film I compare all other films to when it comes to filter overkill.

Lots of weird vignette effects going on, too.

Product Placement

There wasn’t even anything noticeable in the convenience store. That’s difficult to pull off.

Rewatchability

Usually when I wait a long time before seeing a movie from my DVD stack, I end up regretting waiting.

That wasn’t the case here.

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This Top Secret! review never fails to amuse at parties

Top Secret review

Plot

While it was never ridiculously hilarious, it was still fun.

Characters

The fact that Batman Val Kilmer did all his own singing is enough to give a 3 for here.

Visuals

Non-CGI visual gags are always great.

Product Placement

As usual with these movies, occasional brands were used as jokes.

Rewatchability

I’ve seen this a few times before, so I guess that means it’s rewatchable.

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Hold onto this Kingpin review until after the tournament

Kingpin review

Plot

I could have done without the gross humor, but I guess that comes with the territory in Farrelly brothers movies.

Characters

Bill Murray stole the show so well during the first act that I spent most of the middle of the movie hoping he’d show up again.

Visuals

They…managed to make Woody Harrelson’s hook hand believable through camera trickery and long sleeves?

Hey, come on. It’s been almost 1,500 reviews. It’s getting harder to find unique things to say for each one of these films.

Product Placement

According to the rules I rewrite on a daily basis, I have to take off for the Odor Eaters, the Coke, and a few other things that showed up.

Rewatchability

It wasn’t awful, but in retrospect, it’s one I’d just as soon not have seen.

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Let justice be done to this Find Me Guilty review

Find Me Guilty review

Plot

Things didn’t really get going until the trial started.

Characters

Vin Diesel was clearly having loads of fun with his role here.

Visuals

This was pretty close to being shot in one location, and I always love that.

Product Placement

No products allowed in the court room.

Rewatchability

Most of the dialog was taken directly from the actual court case the movie was based on, so it occasionally became as boring as sitting in a real courthouse.

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I need to think about this Rudderless review

Rudderless review

Plot

It’s like a mixture between The Music Never Stopped** and Beautiful Boy.

**Still one of my favorites of all the movies I’ve reviewed these past 3+ years.

Characters

I used to think Anton Yelchin was annoying, but movies like this have changed my mind.

Visuals

I was going to take off for the shakiness of the camera, but then they went and did that cool “looks like one long shot” montage in the middle.

Product Placement

Aside from a few musical items, there wasn’t much to speak of.

Rewatchability

If this the kind of film William H. Macy is capable of directing, then I hope there are many more to come.

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Please look after this Paddington review. Thank you.

Paddington review

Plot

I’ve never seen a movie have this much respect for the books it was based on.

It was smartly written, really sweet, and lots of fun.

Characters

I wonder why Colin Firth dropped out from playing Paddington. Ben Whishaw sounded a lot like him at times.

Visuals

Sure, Paddington and the other bears were decent CGI, but it was the little things like the dollhouse scenes and the moving wall murals that made this movie interesting visually.

Product Placement

In the old days, I would have taken off a point for the quick shot of the Oreo package, but these aren’t the old days, are they?

Rewatchability

I’m so glad I decided to go ahead and see this in the theater. I think the reactions of the kids in the audience helped me enjoy it more, too.

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Drive me home before I thump this The Efficiency Expert review

The Efficiency Expert review

Apparently, today’s movie is also known as Spotswood, according to the opening credits.

Plot

This movie was almost as dull as a real-life corporate restructuring, and tried to have too many stories going on at once.

Characters

A really, really young Russell Crowe and a really, really young Toni Collette are the only highlights of this one.

Visuals

Another bad DVD transfer, but that’s not the fault of the movie itself.

Product Placement

Ball’s Moccasins are fake, and fake products are great.

Rewatchability

I’m having a hard time believing this won an Academy Award. Did they have a “Most Likely to Put You to Sleep” category that year?

I should learn to read better. That’s not what the poster was saying at all. This movie is still a total snoozefest either way.

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Score one for this Mortdecai review

Mortdecai review

Plot

This movie only knows two jokes, and it wears both of them out before the opening credits are finished.

Characters

Johnny Depp seemed to be enjoying himself, but there was an uneasy “What have I gotten myself into?” vibe just below the surface.

Jock was a fun character, though.

Visuals

As much as I hated every other aspect of this one, I will say it had some of the best scene transitions I’ve come across in a while.

Product Placement

I didn’t notice anything, but then again, I wasn’t quite sure what I was supposed to be looking for with this one. I probably missed something along the way.

Rewatchability

This movie was so awful that I am embarrassed to have paid to see it…and I went to see Breaking Dawn: Part 2 in the theater.

On opening day.

…By myself.

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This The Two Faces of January review disappoints you a little more every day

The Two Faces of January review

Plot

It stayed interesting enough to keep me guessing, and they kept it short…which is always a good thing.

Characters

Okay, Oscar Isaac is growing on me. Or have I already said that before?

Visuals

It’s been a while since I’ve seen a movie with this many earthtones.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Product Placement

There weren’t a whole lot of products in 1960’s Crete to place.

Rewatchability

I did enjoy it, but it seemed to play things a little too safe.

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Party’s over, it’s a White Bird in a Blizzard review

White Bird in a Blizzard review

Plot

The last 30 minutes were crammed full of all the mystery and suspense that the rest of the movie should have had.

Characters

I’m beginning to think an enjoyable Eva Green performance is as rare as one where she keeps her clothes on.

Visuals

Every scene was so perfectly staged and centered, it’s as though the director went to the Wes Anderson School of Film Design.

Product Placement

I guess I could make a “missed opportunity for Dairy Queen” joke here, if I was so inclined.

Rewatchability

This reminded me of a book I had to read in college once…a book I’d rather not be reminded of, actually.

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